You might hear the phrase ‘can’t wait to see the back of this year’ every damn year and be sick to the back teeth of it like at midnight we get ‘2017’ in a box and throw it in the Mersey like it’s a concrete object? Things have been out of my control this year but has this stopped me making the most of what I can control? NO. Here are my four resolutions that I achieved this year.
At the start of the year, I promised myself I was going to find every excuse possible to travel and I think I’ve achieved that with 3 holidays and 4 mini breaks so far this year. I’m a student so splashing out on vacations isn’t an option, but that doesn’t mean travelling isn’t. This is a guide for girl, guy or non binary individual who wants to travel for cheap but the idea of a hostel FREAKS them out (I’m sorry but between sharing a room with complete strangers and hostel murders in the news, it’s a no from me). A guide for those wanting bougie pictures outside European palaces tryna blag it’s your hotel (What do you mean google said the Palace of Versailles doesn’t accept guests; did you just accuse my Instagram of LYING?!). A guide for those spending one night in a fancy restaurant and every other day living from the McDonalds saver menu. (I don’t care if you saw be eating snails last night, I’m only in maccies because I’m FUSSY!). Here are my top five commandments for all the Joanne the Scammers out there wanting to scheme as many vacations out of 2018.
Finding the right hairdresser is just as important as finding your soul mate. Growing up, my mum subjected my to an arranged marriage with Toni&Guy where I spent the first 10 years of my life with a razor sharp bob. So escaping this marriage in my adolescence left me unaware of mine or my hairs worth. I spent years between box dyes and highlights from that woman who is your mum’s mate’s mate who did hairdressing at some point and owns a few bottles of peroxide? You know the one. And the time I went to salons I was usually greeted by snotty apprentices who would say OH MY GAWD R YE SURE YE WANNA GO DAT SHURT I WUDUNT IFIWERU but proceed to give me urine yellow highlights (cough, cough Boudoir Broadway cough). So when I decided my hair was something I had to invest in, that’s when I found the hairdresser for me: Ro at Voodou Button Street.
‘Do you have a favourite family heirloom?’
‘My Memories’ -Anna Wintour
A short story inspired by Raymond Carver’s of the same title.
How long does it take to get to the moon
well if you had connections with NASA
but you only have your mums car
so what then
I wear pride around my neck
a silk Burberry noose
that gives me pride in my eyes
that I am above
an empty fridge
a broken boiler
I wear pride